Ending the Crazy Cycle: Part II

4 Biblical Conflict Resolution Strategies

Once we’ve identified the four marriage killers, we need to adopt biblical strategies to replace them and resolve conflict.

1. Calm down…and come back!

Prov. 29:11 – Only a fool gives full vent to his anger

It’s a biological fact that when in marital conflict, your heart rate and blood pressure increase. Remember the “flight or fight” response from high school biology? During marital conflict, your ability to process information, pay attention, and engage creative thinking dramatically decreases. And when under physical duress, it is not a good time to solve marital problems! So DON’T. Take some time… read more

Ending the Crazy Cycle: Part II

The 4 Marriage Killers

In our last article, we talked about escalators and avoiders in marital conflict. So what is our next step? What do we do once we’ve identified our own tendencies in this area?

First, we need to stop the four marriage killers.

CRITICISM

Criticism is attacking the person verses focusing on the problem. Couples who address their complaints against one another by attacking their partner’s character instead of simply stating the issue are destroying their marriage. Asking questions or using “I statements” instead of “You statements” will help break the cycle of harmful criticism.

CONTEMPT

Contempt is anything that communicates disgust to our… read more

Ending the Crazy Cycle: Part I

• Escalator or Avoider?
  

Albert Einstein was known to repeat that famous definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. But his insight doesn’t take a genius—anyone who has ever been married already knows the insanity that a downward spiral of marital conflict can become. And similar cycles can be experienced in friendships, parenting, work groups, and just about every other human interaction. A crazy cycle can begin!

Zeroing in on marriage, I’d like to suggest that nearly every person falls into one of two tendencies in dealing with marital conflict.

• Escalators: Some of us are escalators. We… read more

Your Exciting Spending Plan

MOST PEOPLE DON’T THINK THE WORDS “EXCITING” AND “BUDGET” COULD EVER APPEAR IN CONTEXT TOGETHER – THAT’S WHY YOU SHOULD CALL YOUR BUDGET A “SPENDING PLAN.”

It’s simple, and it will set you free. Free from weekly worries about where money is coming from and where its going. Free from unremembered bills and unaccomplished financial goals. A spending plan is not a limitation on the fun you can have; in fact, it’s a plan that makes your life a whole lot more fun and more peaceful, secure, intentional, and successful.

EXCITING STEP #1 – WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR?

The excitement begins as… read more

Help Desk: Stress

WHAT ABOUT STRESS RELIEF TACTICS?

It depends. There are a wide variety of “tactics” out there – from squeezing a ball to religious meditation. Some tactics are practical in nature, and they make a lot of sense. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath and count to ten to calm down. If you feel the need to get some energy out, take a brisk walk around the block. If your day is too busy and you are feeling pressure, take a break and read a Psalm from the Bible to refocus on what matters most.

Where people can get… read more

5 Practical Ways to Prepare for Stress

I had a lot to think about in the MRI scanner. It was just a precautionary test, but alone in my thoughts, I had to consider the worst. As the knocking sound pulsed around my motionless body, I wondered what the operator was seeing. Was it like an old episode of House, where senior doctors were being called in for consult about an unknown anomaly or dangerous growth?

My faith, my assumptions about my life and family, my priorities, my memories – all of them were packed along with me into a small cylinder. I had some crazy thoughts running through… read more

Feeling Safe

Peace depends entirely on security, doesn’t it?

Imagine that you settle in to your warm bed, breath a sigh of relief from a busy day, and shut out the lights. You are drifting peacefully to sleep. Suddenly, you hear something – you’re not quite sure if it was real or imagined, but now your eyes are wide open and your heartbeat is picking up the pace. In that moment, there’s probably only one thing you can do to get back to almost-sleeping: get up, turn on the lights, and check it out. Until you feel safe, you won’t feel sleepy.

The frustrating… read more

The Dating Machine: Part II

Tools for the Tune-Up

Tool #1: PATIENCE

Better to wait for the best than suffer like the rest.

Psalm 37:3-5, 37:34, Galatians 5:22-23

Starting too early is one of the dangers of dating, and being ready physically doesn’t mean that you are ready emotionally, financially or spiritually. Most people end up suffering through rejection, guilt, and emotional disaster because they can’t wait. They go ahead and date any and everyone, only to be disappointed again and again. Meanwhile the “best” choices aren’t looking at them anymore, because they’re off dating whoever asks. Bad plan!

You don’t have to date today, tomorrow, or… read more

The Dating Machine: Part I

The Problem

Day after day, night after night, a machine has been running – for as long as you can remember. Dad used it, Mom fussed over it, even Grandpa has a few stories tinkering with it when he was “your age.” The quality or the products of the machine are never really questioned; as long as it keeps cranking and clanking, you assume all is well. Dad said it best, “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.”

Good enough. But what if the machine’s products are defective – nearly 50% of the time? Isn’t a change in order, or a least… read more